One-line joke

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A one-liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. A good one-liner is said to be pithy – concise and meaningful.[1] Comedians and actors use this comedic method as part of their performance, and many fictional characters are also known to deliver one-liners, including James Bond, who often makes pithy and laconic quips after disposing of a villain.[2]


  • "Never read a pop-up book about giraffes." (Sean Lock)
  • "Throwing acid is wrong. In some people's eyes." (Jimmy Carr)
  • "My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person - so I can get a better girlfriend." (Anthony Jeselnik)
  • "Cricket. No matter who wins, both teams, and all the fans, are losers." (Frankie Boyle)
  • "If life were easy, it wouldn’t be difficult." (Kermit the Frog)
  • "An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs." (Mitch Hedberg)
  • "My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave." (Burt Reynolds)
  • "I'm on a whiskey diet… I've lost three days already." (Tommy Cooper)
  • "What Iran needs now is a more modern leader—a mullah lite." (Shappi Khorsandi)
  • "I have nothing to declare except my genius." (Oscar Wilde, upon arriving at US customs, 1882)[3]
  • "Take my wife ... please." (Henny Youngman)
  • "They hired a 3-piece band that was so lousy, every time the waiter dropped a tray, we all got up and danced!" (Les Dawson)
  • "What a magnificent show this is going to be when it starts!" (Ken Dodd)
  • "I have a girlfriend! I've been going out with my girlfriend for… sex!" (Stewart Francis)
  • "I have an L-shaped sofa… Lowercase." (Demetri Martin)
  • "Crime in multi-story car parks is wrong on so many different levels." (Tim Vine[4])
  • "My wife – it's difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore." (Milton Jones)
  • "In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit." (Gary Delaney)
  • "Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat." (Joe Lycett)

See also[edit]


  1. ^ Miller, K.E.L. (3 December 2009). "The Unuttered Punch Line: Pragmatic Incongruity and the Parsing of 'What's the Difference' Jokes" (PDF). Truman State University. Archived from the original (PDF) on 4 February 2015.
  2. ^ For James Bond, one line says it all - Christopher Bahn, Today, 10 November 2008
  3. ^ "Number 64300". The Columbia World of Quotations. 1996. Retrieved 20 June 2007.
  4. ^ "100 of the best ever jokes and one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe". iNews. 4 August 2017. Retrieved 6 June 2018.

External links[edit]